Unconditional “Philia” | The Concept

I had this idea of sharing my experience with my closest friends with you all. When looking to write this, I remembered the idea of C.S. Lewis (British writer) and how he believed there were four types of love. Within those, he spoke about “Philia” and how this was the most happiest but most ignored type of love. “Philia” translate in theology as friendship, is said to be the most rewarding but hardest form of love because of the all consuming factor of hard work that involves keeping friends and yet very few people truly experience it. It is so strange to think that very few of us in this world experience this kind of love, at the same time it makes absolute sense. This “modern” world is built with the idea that you are what you portray to others and to experience true “philia”, people have to build a friendship out of commonality and true vulnerability. When you experience that, you build friendships that will last the test of time no matter the circumstance. 

Although I didn’t mean to get all philosophical here or make you rethink all your life decisions when picking out your friends, lets be honest, friendship is an interesting concept to think about. Growing up, the idea of having many friends is of course attached to being popular - some kids may have this experience but in majority of the cases its not a common thread. In my case, I grew up with about eight really close friends, so much so that even our moms have a code name for their friendship! As time went on, you slowly start to realize that people change, their interests evolve, they meet new people that start becoming more a part of their life than you are. During what seems a slow process over time, some friendships start to fracture and you may lose contact with them - not because there was any bad blood but just simply put, we grow apart. I was lucky to say that out of those main ones, I kept in regular contact with about five (I would say that is a successful number right?).

While writing this, it is interesting to look back at those moments that you had with your former or current friends. Twenty some years into these friendships, we have move countries (from Spain, New York, Chicago, United Kingdom, etc) and yet have been able to keep updated like no time or distance has changed that. It is such a beautiful idea to realize that I have those kinds of friendships, people that no matter the time see the best in you, support you and will never leave your side - true “philia” love. That being said, this is not to disregard that there have been other friendships that have been built along the way with my multiple moves and sure enough will continue to happen. I am thankful that even in new cities, I have been able to meet other friends that have become family and that share that same respect for your childhood friends.  Needless to say, even though I have painted this picture of such beautiful friendships, like any others we do have tough times weather we go through those together or not. Friendship, although it brings a lot of joy into everyone’s life, it is not all champagne and roses. We are human and we try to build the life we want with our support system and not every time will it go our way. Just as C.S. Lewis explained, to truly experience this kind of love you have to be vulnerable, you have to work hard and lets be honest, some people just don’t want to put in the time. I’m sure that we all had that one friend that you loved and you wanted to work it out so badly but they didn’t not reciprocate the time that you were putting into it and that’s okay. All of us move on, it hurts but we grow and look ahead to others that care to share that with you.  I have such an appreciation for all of these strong, beautiful and powerful women that I will get to share with you all! I can’t wait to write about our story, our ups and down and so much more. 

Stay tuned...  xo,  Valeria Michelle